So, You Fell in Love With a Vampire
So, You Fell in Love With a Vampire
By Larry Schliessmann
So, you fell in love with a vampire. Congratulations! Now, here are a few tips and some advice on how to survive the first intimate encounter.
You might be wondering, “How did I get here?” Truthfully, I’m wondering that too, but put that aside for now and look deeply into the mirror. Not at your eyes, examine your neck along the raised lines on both sides that, if you press your fingers to them, will pulse under the pads of your fingertips.
No pulse? You’re dead so skip the next three paragraphs.
Pulse feels strong? Excellent! It’s time to discuss how to keep it that way. One idea is convincing your vampire lover to not suck on your neck. Alternatively, you might suggest he or she wear tiny silver sleeves over their “canine” teeth. The silver might present a problem, but you cannot be too safe these days.
Another alternative, is wearing some kind of protection. Safe sex is good sex. However, you will need to wear a collar that is bite proof. Check with your veterinarian for something in leather. The styles are varied and attractive. If your vampire is particularly aggressive, a bit long in the tooth, you may want to go with a lightweight chain mail collar.
Silver comes to mind, but your vampire might object, pulling his or her head back and hissing, while glaring in your direction. It is never a good idea to get your vampire too angry, so let’s skip silver and try something in stainless steel. The collar may feel heavy, but it will prove advantageous when the going gets hot and it does make a nice fashion statement if properly polished.
Once you reach the point in the relationship when you are willing to touch your vampire, do not be surprised at the complete lack of activity within his or her torso. Remember your vampire is dead. His or her heart stopped beating a long time ago, and unless you are willing to donate several pints of your own blood, he, or she will not warm up very much to your tender touch. Do not let this distract you from the reason you are embracing your vampire. Love is blind after all.
The next issue we want to discuss is fingernails. Your vampire’s nails will keep growing as will his or her hair. Your vampire’s nails, however, will, under moonlight glow a pale off-white. They will look kind of like sun-bleached bone, opal or an eggshell. Your vampire’s nails will grow quickly too, and on occasion you may find bits and pieces of flesh and blood under them. That is to be expected. Your vampire must kill to continue existing, not to be confused with alive. Unless you did not feel a pulse when we began this conversation, you are alive and if you are extremely careful, you may stay that way for years to come.
Your vampire’s temperature may present you with a problem difficult to overcome. You see, since your vampire is dead, he or she will feel like a corpse. In fact, I have been told that a vampire’s body temperature is very low. This helps them remain stable during the long hours of night when they can spend time outside their hideaway, i.e. coffin. Should you need time to recuperate after a long embrace, do not hesitate to explain to your vampire that the difference in body temperatures requires you to take a breather.
If you are not bothered by your vampire’s frigid touch, you may be dead too, so do not worry about the loss of sensation.
Finally, we come to the most important event in a relationship, consummation. All of us know, or should if we are adults, exactly what I am implying. Therefore, details are not necessary. If you want details, go online and give it a search.
Your vampire’s take on consummation will be vastly different that yours will be. First off, your vampire is dead, so the necessary body parts will not respond as if he or she were alive. Flaccid comes to mind, frigidly flaccid is descriptively better. And of course, since your vampire is dead, there will be no fluids, i.e. lubrication. Be patient and be prepared and I think the first night together will be extremely memorable.
PS: if you have decided that the life of a vampire is the life for you, introduce the idea to your vampire using caution. He or she, depending on the state of their satiation, might become anxious and drain you dry before recalling your request. Your vampire must not suck you dry, but leave enough fluids in your body than when you bite into him or her in return you have the strength for a successful strike.
Next time: Newly minted vampire? The joy of your first kill.
Larry Schliessmann http://www.redroom.com/member/schliessmann
Twilight Movie Releases With Impressive Box Office Debut
By Neil Kokemuller
To most in the entertainment industry, the fact that the Twilight movie released impressively over the past weekend (Nov. 21-Nov. 23) comes as no surprise. The hype surrounding the release of the first movie in the Twilight series, based on the hugely popular teenage vampire series from Stephanie Meyer, has been tremendous and ongoing. Despite some controversy, the final book in the Twilight saga, Breaking Dawn, had a remarkable commercial release in early August. There is no question that Stephanie Meyer and her teenage vampire genre has contributed to growth in this entertainment theme. Showtime began airing True Blood, starring Anna Paquin this season and Lost Boys 2: The Tribe “just happened” to release 20-some years after the original, following the popular Twilight series book finale.
The performance of the Twilight movie, which stars Kristen Stewart as teen Bella Swan, and Robert Pattinson as her vampire lover Edward Cullen, is impressive on many levels. The $70.6 million weekend box office debut is in the realm of premiere superhero action movie releases. It is easily the largest weekend box office debut ever for a movie directed by a woman (Catherine Hardwicke), outdistancing Mimi Leder’s Deep Impact which netted $41.2 million ten years ago.
Twilight also had the 29th best weekend premiere ever, just behind 300, which earned $70.9 million during its first weekend. The movie is also easily the most successful movie release from fledgling studio Summit. The companies previous best was another teen action movie, Never Back Down, which earned $8.6 million at the box office in March. Never Back Down achieved more success as a DVD release thanks to growing interest in mixed martial arts movies (MMA). It also bested recent releases Hancock and Disney’s Wall-E.
One of the supporting roles in the Twilight movie is played by up and coming actor Cam Gigandet who also played a leading role in Never Back Down. Others starring in the Twilight movie include: Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Jason Rathbone, Kellan Lutz, Peter Facinelli, Taylor Lautner, and Michael Welch.
Early estimates suggest about 75 percent of those who packed theatres for the Twilight release were girls and women. It is likely much of the remaining 25 percent were men accompanying their significant others. Teenage girls and young women have been the largest followers of the romantic vampire saga, Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. Early reports on the movie are favorable as audiences graded the movie an A-. This is especially good considering the hype leading up to the movie release.
There is already discussion of a sequel to Twilight, New Moon. This was also something easily predictable, despite the fact there was little discussion of a movie series leading up to the Twilight release. The Twilight book series included four popular releases. For now, however, the focus is on finding out just how much “coin” the initial Twilight movie can bring in.
http://www.movieroomreviews.com
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