Famous Depressed People

Famous Depressed People
By Eddie Tobey

Depression is a common psychological condition that affects the mental and physical health of men and women. Studies reveal that many famous people have been affected by depression. People get depressed over divorce, political problems, the death of a loved one, business or financial reverses, or other major losses. Abraham Lincoln, Mike Wallace, David Bohm, Dick Cavett, Anne Rice, Trent Reznor, Georgia O’Keefe, Sylvia Plath, Rod Steiger, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, and Mark Twain are some world famous personalities who suffered from clinical depression.

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, suffered from depression twice. He was first overcome by melancholia, today known as depression, in his mid 20s. During that time, his friends who were so caring towards him had to take away sharp tools from him in order to protect Lincoln from injuring himself. He was again afflicted with depression in the early 1840s. During that time he was under the daily treatment of a doctor for a long period.

A famous American journalist, Mike Wallace, best known today as a television correspondent, struggled from major depression during the 1960s. He got proper directions from a professional and took different drugs to treat his illness. Anne Rice, an American writer, is famed as the author of best selling horror books. She was another famed personality who experienced depression following her long illness and the loss of her husband.

Sylvia Plath, an American poet, novelist, short story writer, and essayist, suffered from severe depression throughout her life. She made her first suicide attempt in her junior year. Then she was admitted to a mental institution and recovered from this depression. However her chronic depression created problems in her marriage life and finally led to divorce. It also led to her suicide.

David Bohm, an American quantum physicist, suffered from depression throughout his life, which affected his health considerably. Trent Reznor, an official member of the Nine Inch Nails band, developed depression in the late 1990s. It led him to attempt suicide during this time.

Depressed provides detailed information on Depressed, Depressed Children, Depressed Teens, Depressed Men and more. Depressed is affiliated with Mental Health Clinics.

Submission Guidlines

text must be in this format:

TITLE

AUTHOR

CONTENT

ABOUT THE AUTHOR (this is where your links or emails go and a short bio of you or something that would let us get to know you)

also, you can submit by joining the site and making a post, it works
like a regular blog and then I just have to approve it. If it isn’t porn
or spam, I will approve it.

Spamming is considered to be multiple posts regarding the one website in order to attract traffic there for a personal gain. If you are a band you may post your band sites as much as you wish. We will accept links to sites that fit our guidelines, but this must not be abused. Please do not spam our shoutbox or comments one post is enough. We are able to ban users that are spamming to much!

Warez, etc
Linking to malicious programs, pornography,etc. will not be tolerated at all, post them and be banned! 

Copyright
No images, avatars, signatures which are under copyright should be used unless you make quite clear who the copyright belongs to and that you are allowed to use the image for social purposes.

Adult Content
Images of nudity, real or not may be used, but only if they are portrayed in a non sexual way. Examples of images not allowed are those specifically of Male and Female genetalia, or two people engaging in any form of sexual activity. I alone have the final say on whether an image breaks these rules!

Aggressive Behavior
Aggressive behavior towards members or staff will not be tolerated. Where a member is found to be bullying or threatening another member they will have their account locked and/or banned. Telling someone off is not considered aggressive behavior if the fucker in question starts it. Don’t be a fucker, the Faery king doesn’t like it.

If you are looking to get your CD/DVD reviewed or added to the radio blog send us disks of MP3 or CD audio, AVI, MPG, DIVX for video. We can convert many formats so you don’t have to worry. You can send us pictures or anything you want. We love getting flyers because we make a lot of flyers.

Darkfaery Subculture Magazine

517 NW 95th ST

Oklahoma City, OK 73114

Otherwise, we encourage you to have fun here and treat us like a friend. We don’t like snobs, people who think they are better than everyone else, or people who whine a lot. We value strength and intelligence on all levels.

WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE TERMS POSER OR WANNABE, PLEASE DON’T COME HERE AND ACT LIKE YOU ARE THE COOLEST PERSON EVER, BECAUSE I AM SURE EVERYONE GOES THROUGH A POSER/WANNABE FAZE SOMETIME IN LIFE. GET OVER YOURSELF. If you didn’t want to be something, you couldn’t be. So you are a wannabe too!

Thank you,

Duvy

my e-mail

Are My Glow In The Dark Halloween Contact Lenses Safe?

Are My Glow In The Dark Halloween Contact Lenses Safe?
By Tim Gorman

It may be a lot of fun to wear glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses but are they safe? Thousands of these glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses are sold each year.

Glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses are sold by prescription and without prescription. It is a much better idea to buy glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses with a prescription. When you have a prescription for glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses you will see a doctor first who can examine your eyes. Without a prescription for glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses you are running the risk that they may not be safe for your eyes.

There have been companies who sell glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses who have run into problems with optical groups. These companies who were selling glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses did not have proper licenses.

There were over one thousand eye injuries in 2004 and many of these injuries were due to cosmetic lenses. Glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses fit into this category. If the glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses are not fitted properly they can cause injury to your eyes.

Another problem with the glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses is that young people want to share them. It is very unsafe to share any contact lenses including glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses.

When you buy glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses from a company that does not require a prescription you run the risk of other problems. Many of these companies do not provide any care instructions. They also do not tell customers that they should not sleep in their glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses or swim with them in.

If your glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses are not fitted properly you may develop bacterial infections, swelling, eye pain and loss of clarity. It is crucial that you get your glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses from a reputable company.

If you want to be safe when you wear glow in the dark Halloween contact lenses buy them from a company that requires a prescription.

Timothy Gorman is a successful Webmaster and publisher of Vision-Doctor.com. He provides more contact lens tips and discount dark Halloween contact lenses that you can research and purchase in your pajamas on his website.

Halloween & Hounds

Halloween & Hounds
By Jennifer Shryock

Halloween is “fright night” for humans not dogs. Screaming, running, spooky children in masks make many dogs uncomfortable, nervous and frightened.

Halloween costumes are fun and are meant to disguise our normal appearance. Dogs do not understand this change in appearance and may become frightened. Costumes that change the way a person walks, stands, or their general appearance may cause a dog to react different then usual even with those they know.

Keep in mind that children on Halloween night are excited and doing their best to be scary. This is not a fair or safe situation to put even the best of dogs in. Even the normally terrific tolerant family dog can find this night hard to handle.

Along with costumes being frightening to a dog there are some that may become interesting too. Swords, tails and dangling things may be fun for an excited dog to chase and toddlers certainly won’t appreciate that.

Every child and every costume is a new opportunity for different reactions from the same dog.

I recommend setting up your dog with their own private Halloween bash in a safe quiet spot with a yummy treat of their own. Here are some tips to help make this safe haven most comfortable.

1. Stuff a food dispensing toy with yummy mush and freeze it until it is “Halloween” time.

2. Use a fan or radio for white noise. Something consistent is best.

3. Be sure the blinds are down or the dog is not watching kids coming and going by the window. This will only frustrate him and allow him to practice barking and carrying on at the window.

Chocolate is toxic to dogs. Put candy in a safe spot.

Many dogs are stolen, poisoned or injured by Halloween pranks. Keep your dog safe and sound inside your home.

Be safe and aware and have fun!

About The Author

Jennifer Shryock, Canine behavior consultant - Owner of Family Paws http://www.familypaws.com

U.S. Coordinator of Doggone Safe www.doggonesafe.com

jen@familypaws.com

Face Painting Tips for Your Kids Party

Face Painting Tips for Your Kids Party
By Patricia Jensen

If you can apply your own make-up or doodle a simple design, you can learn to face paint for a kids party. With these easy tips and techniques and a little practice, you’ll be turning out all sorts of colorful characters. Here’s how to achieve spectacular results and the admiration of children and parents alike.

First and foremost, inform parents that there will be face painting at your party. Check for any skin allergies. Do not paint children with open cuts or rashes.

Prepare by obtaining the correct paints and materials. Use water-based paints which clean off easily with wet wipes or mild soap and water. Whenever possible, Use paints that have FDA approval for cosmetics. Acrylic paints are not meant for use on the skin and should be avoided.

Have lots of sponges and brushes handy, as well as a container of water. Use a different sponge or brush for each color to minimize the need to clean frequently.

When brushing on color, use only enough water to allow the paint to flow on smoothly. Use even less water when sponging color on large areas. Apply as you would shoe polish, dabbing to even and smooth the color.

The easiest way to get comfortable face painting is to apply color to the entire face and then add simple accents or sparkles. For example, for a Spiderman party, sponge on an all-over red background, then with a fine brush paint a spider web on the cheek or around one eye. Red works well for a ladybug party too, just add a couple of large black spots on each cheek.

For a Shrek or Hulk party, green faces alone can convey the
character and mood of the day. White with dark under-eye shadows makes a great Halloween mummy face, pink and glittery is
perfect for a princess party, lavendar with a few well-placed flowers for a garden party. Clowns are easy - white face with red cheeks and nose, blue crosses over the eyes.

When you’re ready, practice a few simple cheek designs. Many face painting books are available with designs from simple to spectacular. Use these to inspire you and practice, practice, practice. The more you practice, the quicker you will be able to complete a design, and your confidence will grow.

Try these quick and easy cheek designs:
Girls: hearts, stars, flowers, slogans, butterflies, ladybugs, smiley face, dolphin
Boys: spider, spiderweb, scars, mustache & beard, snake, shark

Face painting stamps are also available online to make the process even easier. These rubber stamps allow you to stamp a design on the child’s face and simply color it in!

Invest in a good quality facial glitter, which adds pizzazz to any face paint design.

Supplement your face painting by making available some temporary tattoos for kids to choose from. Many different themes are available.

Have a mirror handy to show kids the result of your handiwork. They’ll get excited and that enthusiasm will spread!

Plan other games and activities for kids to do while you take them one at a time for face paint.

Remember that everyone is capable of sponging on face color and making simple designs. That’s all kids really want. Once you’ve conquered the basics, you can always graduate to more intricate designs.

You might just enjoy face painting so much you’ll decide to hire out your services for other kids parties, too!

Copyright 2005 Kids Party Paradise All Rights Reserved

Patricia B. Jensen is a mother of three and kids party enthusiast. She is the webmaster and owner of href=”http://www.kids-party-paradise.com”>Kids-Party-Paradise.com - a complete resource for kids party ideas including invitations, cakes, decorations, games,
costumes, favors, and food.

For all the latest party news, read her href=”http://www.kids-party-paradise-blog.blogspot.com”>Kids Party Blog.

30 Quick and Easy Kids Costumes

30 Quick and Easy Kids Costumes
By Patricia Jensen

What happened to the ” good ol’ days” when a Halloween costume was your Dad’s old shirt and cap, and a burnt cork beard? Kids costumes don’t have to complicated to be cute!

Each of these quick and easy costumes starts with a few simple materials like hooded sweatshirts, sweat pants, posterboard, craft foam, felt, face paint, and a little imagination.

Pirate - Black sweats, white shirt, red sash and bandanna, cardboard sword covered in foil, parrot beanie baby, stubbly face made with burnt cork or tobacco sprinkled on vaseline covered cheeks

Kid Hit by Lightning - Gray sweats with large yellow felt zigzag pinned to the back, blackened zigzag tears in here and there on suit, hair gelled to stand straight up, burns on cheeks

Wrapped Present - Cover a large box with colorful wrapping paper. Make a hole in the bottom and invert over child’s head. Add lots of matching ribbons in child’s hair.

Pair of Dice - Paint two large boxes white and add black dots on each side to represent a pair of dice. Cut hole in bottom and invert over children’s heads. You need a friend for this one!

Box of Popcorn - Cover a large box with white butcher paper. Add wide red stripes with markers or colored paper. Make a hole for child’s head. Hot glue some popcorn to the top of the box. Wear red or white tights or sweat pants.

Placard Costumes - Another quick and easy idea for kid costumes is a “placard costume” in which the child wears a hooded sweatshirt and pulls front and back cardboard panels (the
placard) on over it. Shape the placard (poster board works fine) as needed for the costume desired, and design it with markers or felt pieces. This type of costume can be adapted to many different themes, such as:

Ladybug

M & M (two kids of different heights can be “plain”
and “peanut”!)

Soccerball, Basketball, or Baseball

Apple or Pumpkin

Deck of Cards

Favorite Book

Sunflower - Yellow sweat suit. Staple craft foam flower petals end to end onto a wide ribbon and tie around child’s face to make the flower. Paint the face reddish brown with black spots. Make a couple of bright green leaves from craft foam and pin side by side onto front of sweat suit.

Bunch of Grapes - Start with a purple sweat suit. Blow up several purple balloons to the same size and attach to the sweat suit with small safety pins. Complete the look with a green knit cap with a couple of large green felt leaves attached.

Bag of Trash - Make two leg holes is a large sized trash bag. Have child step into the bag, then add balls of crumpled newspaper to hold a round shape. Make two armholes in each side and secure around the neck .

Little Old Lady - An old house dress with torn stockings and slippers. Curlers in the hair or white wig. Glasses, blacked out tooth, old fashioned pocketbook.

Tourist - Hawaiian shirt or other loud clothes, camera, hat with pins all over it, maps sticking out of pockets, sunglasses.

Crayon - Sweat suit in the chosen color of your crayon. Design the crayon wrapper from poster board, felt pieces or craft foam and baste or pin onto the sweat suit. Add a like-colored plant pot for a hat, or use a large round of poster board, cut from edge to center and make into a pointy hat.
Secure under child’s chin with a wide strip of elastic stapled to the hat.

Static Cling - Start with sweat suit of your choice, pin on small clothing items such as socks, hats, mittens, and underwear along with a few dryer sheets.

Cow, Pig, Kitty, Doggy - Hooded sweat suit in the appropriate color ( white cow, pink pig, brown dog). Embellish with felt scraps to make spots, ears, tail, etc.

Backwards Costume - Put clothes and hat on backwards, sunglasses on back of head, say “Treat or Trick!”

Mummy - Tear a white sheet into strips. Paint face white and spray hair with white paint. Smear black under the eyes. Wrap child dressed in white long underwear with sheet strips, securing with clear medical tape, leaving eyes and mouth open.

Angel - White sweat suit with wings of tulle stretched over shaped coat hangers. Glittery headband made from wire circle covered with foil and colorful curling ribbon. Wand made from thin dowel with cardboard star attached to one end, painted silver or gold with glitter and curling ribbon added.

Clown - Sweat suit with colorful felt or fabric paint polka dots.. Clown collar made from felt triangles attached together in a circle to go around child’s neck. Colorful clown wig, nose, and oversized glasses. Facepaint simple blue crosses over eyes, red cheeks, and large red mouth.

Cook - White sweat suit, chef’s hat, large wooden spoon, cookbook under the arm, curly mustache drawn in face paint.

Nerd - Too small pants, shirt buttoned up wrong, pocket protector, hair slicked back, old pair of glasses with tape, white socks, large textbook to carry under the arm.

Copyright 2004 Kids Party Paradise All Rights Reserved

Patricia B. Jensen is a mother of three and kids party enthusiast. She is the webmaster and owner of Kids-Party-Paradise.com - a complete resource for kids party ideas including invitations, cakes, decorations, games, costumes, favors, and food.

For all the latest party news, read her Kids Party Blog.

Halloween Contact Lenses Tips and Trends

Halloween Contact Lenses Tips and Trends
By Sage Kalmus

This Halloween, why not take your costume to the next level? With Halloween contact lenses (also commonly known as “special effects contact lenses” or “decorative lenses”) you can do just that. As long as you adhere to the health and safety advice mentioned below, Halloween contacts could be the perfect finishing touch to bring the character in your costume to life!

Special effect contacts have been used in film, television, and theatre, even rock concert stages, for years, and now they’re available at affordable prices to you, the consumer. You can find decorative contact lenses in all kinds of styles. From simple colors (ever wanted to be a red-eyed alien or a green-eyed reptile?) to elaborate designs (zebra stripes, stars, flowers, X’s…) there are as many ways to use decorative contact lenses to enhance your Halloween ensemble as there are jack o’ lanterns aglow on All Hallow’s Eve.

Some of the great designs and styles of Halloween contacts available this year include: hypnotic spirals, cat eyes, wolf eyes, eagle eyes, bloodshot eyes, flames, all-white, all-black. It really gets your creative wheels spinning doesn’t it? What are you going to be this year after all?

One variable you’ll have to consider when poring through the choices is whether you want Halloween contact lenses that cover the entire sclera (that’s the whites of your eyes) or just the pupil (the eyeball). There’s plenty in either category, making it either harder or easier to decide, depending upon your viewpoint.

Knowing the kind of look you’re going for will help a lot. Are you, for example, trying to transform yourself into a particular character (a Vampire, possibly, or even more specifically, the Vampire Lestat himself - because that’s available too)? Special effects lenses that include the entire sclera often creates an all-encompassing, fully-transformative effect, incorporating more of the whole body into “becoming” this other figure. But maybe you merely want to accentuate a “look”, the zeitgeist of an era, or an abstract concept. For this latter option, a cute design or a picture superimposed on your pupil alone, like a temporary tattoo, might be just the thing.

Some current favorites of the decorative lenses you’ll find include those with the Biohazard /”Radioactive” symbol, symbols of poker suits, stars-and-stripes, Dune eyes, dollar-sign eyes, spider webs, smiley faces, both Predator eyes and Alien eyes, both Darth Vader and the Sith. You’ll find styles and designs both timely and timeless as you explore all the options of Halloween lenses available.

Crucial in the safe and responsible use of special effect contact lenses for Halloween or at any other time, according to the FDA, is involvement by a licensed eye care professional. In fact, it’s the law. Decorative lenses improperly made or used improperly have been known to cause permanent eye injury and even eventual blindness. Therefore, you must see your eye doctor before shopping for Halloween contact lenses to get proper fitting and instructions as well as the necessary prescription. You will need this whether you ordinarily wear prescription lenses or not. And don’t even think of purchasing decorative lenses from any store (online or off) that doesn’t ask for your prescription; it is illegal.

Some of the things your doctor will invariably tell you are that decorative contact lenses are not for everyday wear. Consider them for special occasions only. Never sleep or swim or bathe with them in, and don’t use them while engaging in any activity that requires sharp visual acuity, for example cooking or driving or operating heavy machinery. In plain English - someone could get hurt.

Halloween contacts should not be worn unceasingly for long periods of time since prolonged use can cause strain and infection. And they should be clean and disinfected carefully before and after each use, according to your doctor’s instruction. If after using Halloween contact lenses, you notice redness, swelling, or feel any sort of pain in the area, please contact your eye doctor immediately. Even if it turns out to be nothing, the joy in Halloween is that the danger is imagined, so let’s keep it that way.

Have a safe and happy Halloween!

To compare prices on Halloween contact lenses, visit http://www.contact-lenses-network.com/halloween-contact-lenses.htm

Overcoming Negative Beliefs

Overcoming Negative Beliefs
By Steve Taubman

In India, the method for training an elephant is the following: When the elephant is very young, its leg is tied to a small post with a thin piece of rope. At that age the elephant hasn’t the power to break the rope or dislodge the post. It tries for a while and then gives up. As the elephant grows, there’s no reason to increase the girth of the rope or the post. The elephant of course reaches such size and strength that it could, if it wanted, easily break free from the restraint. But having tried and failed earlier, it stops trying, convinced that it’s entrapped …Doesn’t that sound like us?

Nothing has such a direct impact on our success in life as our beliefs. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says “What the mind conceives and believes, it achieves.” Joseph Chilton Pearce, author of Magical Child, says “Belief effects perception.” Our beliefs affect what we see and what we accomplish.

If you’re to succeed in achieving your life’s dreams, you must begin to adopt what motivational speaker Wayne Dyer calls “No Limit Thinking.” What you can’t do is only what you can’t do yet. You are equipped like every other human being with the capabilities necessary to accomplish your goals. Author Richard Bach says:

“Nobody is given a dream without the power to make it come true.”

Unfortunately, our beliefs are resistant to change because of the method we use for applying evidence to substantiate them. Sometimes we develop a negative belief which starts as a misinterpretation of an event in our lives. That misinterpretation is reinforced by subsequent misinterpretations to the point that the original misinterpretation is now seen as incontrovertible fact. We make our beliefs into reality.

When I was five years old, my family moved into a new neighborhood. The neighborhood kids had been friends with the previous occupants and weren’t open to newcomers. The day I arrived, half the neighborhood kids were in my backyard on my swing set. When I went out there to join in, they wouldn’t let me. They told me I didn’t belong there and that I was stupid and ugly. The wound was substantial. In that moment, I decided that I was undesirable.

From then on, I carried that scar with me. Each new interaction was colored by my decision that I was undesirable. Somehow, I would telegraph my undesirability to others who would use that information, received unconsciously by them, to hold me at a distance. I’d sense their distance and would use it to prove to myself that my notion of my undesirability was accurate. Each new interaction would reinforce my belief, and my belief would recreate the types of interactions which proved the belief true. Further, the inner feeling, which I’d been trained to trust as accurate, would deepen my conviction about my own undesirability. But was I really undesirable or was I just the victim of my misunderstanding of the original situation?

If I were to choose to change that belief, what would I have to face? Well, I’d have to face the feeling that the belief was true, and I’d have to face the voices in my head that would remind me of all the times that things happened which proved the belief to be true. To change the belief, I’d have to fly in the face of both historical evidence and bodily knowing in the form of emotions. That’s a lot of power! What’s the answer? Where could I find the strength to overcome such powerful evidence?

The answer is something known as reframing. Reframing is a technique for looking at a particular situation or set of circumstances and challenging oneself to find the most empowering, resourceful interpretation of that situation. It often requires creative thinking and is underlined by the idea that no situation has an inherently correct interpretation except that which we give it. In other words, there are many ways to view any circumstance and our charge is not to find the right interpretation but to find the most useful interpretation, the one that helps us meet our goals, the one that we will also accept as viable.

Suppose it’s my goal to be happy. Which is a more useful frame to put around the story I told about my childhood? That I was, in fact, fundamentally undesirable or that I was a perfectly normal child who happened to stumble into an unfriendly situation? Which evaluation would have served me more in my growth?

There are probably some among you who, like me in my past, feel that reframing a situation is inherently dishonest. If you’re one of them, let me suggest that you consider the underlying belief that your negative interpretation of a situation is correct. Just because it feels true and has a historic context, does that make it true? Is it not possible that your interpretation is really a misinterpretation? Perhaps you’re holding yourself back from thriving because of outmoded adherence to an indefensible view. Whenever I feel that I must maintain my view of anything, I try to remember the words of Ram Dass, who says, “You’re not who you think you are.” If you’re not who you think you are, how can you defend your position?

Here are some powerful reframes, which, once adopted by your deep subconscious mind, will activate your enthusiasm, creativity, and sense of possibility:

There are no problems, only opportunities.

Those who cause me emotional pain are my teachers, helping to point out the emotional addictions I need to overcome.

What I’ve failed to accomplish doesn’t prove my incapability but my lack of adequate knowledge to this point.

There is no failure; only feedback.

When I share my pain, I become more truly human.

Take a few minutes to make your unconscious beliefs conscious. Ask yourself what you believe about yourself, about your role in society, about your capabilities, about the world around you, about family and friends, about men, about women, about your past, about your future, about God, about life and death, and about the role of belief in your future.

Take these questions one at a time and spend one minute writing as many answers as you can to each as quickly as you can, without pausing to reflect. Look for ways of reframing your unresourceful beliefs, finding empowering ways to look at your situation without sacrificing your hold on reality. Be as diligent as you can. With time, you will find your life becoming more satisfying and manageable, even before you’ve actually done anything to change your life circumstances.

Dr. Steve Taubman is recognized as the nation’s “Starting over Expert.” As a chiropractor, magician, hypnotist, pilot, speaker, coach, and author, Dr. Taubman has developed skills to reinvent his life and the techniques to help others do the same. In his groundbreaking book, UnHypnosis: How to Wake Up, Start Over, and Create the Life You’re Meant to Live, Dr. Taubman lays out a clear five-step program for helping people set and achieve their goals. Dr. Taubman’s book encapsulates the principles necessary for one to reinvent one’s life. He’s coached many people to make major life changes through clarifying their inner-most desires, developing greater prosperity consciousness, and implementing powerful goal-setting techniques. You can visit his Web site at: http://www.unhypnosis.com

Love the Person You Are and Hate the Person You Aren’t

Love the Person You Are and Hate the Person You Aren’t
By Angie Lewis

Did you know that love is a choice? We choose to love or not to love. It’s that simple. But I believe the non-loving choice is not our “true selves.” The non-loving self is absorbed in anger, judgment, resentment, and all kinds of things that we allow to control how we love.

We haven’t let go of past hurts. These hurts control who we are and how we react to people around us. The bottle controls an alcoholic and a hurting person is controlled by resentment.

My husband used to tell me, “I love you, but I don’t love the disease.” What he meant was that he loved me for who I really was, not the alcoholic.

The alcoholic in me couldn’t love either. I was selfish and cold. I couldn’t give of myself to my husband because I was too needy living inside of my addiction. My thinking was distorted to the point that I actually thought that it was him who needed to give more of himself to me! Boy was I way out in left field, and blind to boot.

In essence, this is how we allow feelings and thoughts to control how we will love, and when we will love. The person who is controlled by their feelings is unable to fully love another person. Unfortunately so, many of us are restricted from ever loving properly because of negative feelings. This is why I stress how important it is to watch out for what we allow into our hearts and minds!

In marriage, some of us are incapable of giving any love until we decide to give up our position that our way is the right way, and the only way! Feelings make us see things in our spouse that causes us to scrutinize the person they are. But folks, trying to dissect our spouse’s feelings and experience them as our own doesn’t help the love process.

Most couples when they profess to love each other, it is what they imagine them to be, not what they are. This is phony love and phony self. It’s not real.

We need to love ourselves first before we can love another and be real. Loving our spouse means to give something of our self to him or her, right? To give is to love and to love is to give. It’s really so simple. And I think we should be giving to our spouse even when we don’t feel like it! And so how do you like them apples?

On the flip side of the coin, we shouldn’t change to be what our spouse wants us to be. If we do that, we’ll become a clone of who they are, how boring!

If we change to be just what our spouse wants then we have become a people pleaser. Well, let me tell you this. People pleasers are the biggest resentment protectors in the world.

We should change to be what we really are. Our ability for love and to love is much greater then we allow. We are afraid to be ourselves so much that we strive to be what our spouse wants from us, even when deep down that is not what we want or need.

What keeps the real you from coming out in the open with your real feelings is the emotional baggage called resentment. Bitterness and anger will linger in the heart for years, if you allow it to, because you are unable to forgive and then forget.

When we don’t forgive what happens? Unforgiveness causes shame, guilt and anger, and we become emotionally overstressed with our spouse, which limits our own “love capacity” to be what God intended for it to be. Well in all reality, a person never really forgets, but they can forgive.

I fully believe that what we “generate into our heart will come out in our actions.” Our capacity to love is how true we are to ourselves. We certainly aren’t very true to ourselves or to God when we are unable to forgive our spouse.

When we forgive our spouse completely and unconditionally, as God forgives us then we no longer experience the past hurts. We feel freer to be ourselves and to be more in control of who we are. With that, the spiritual growth process begins to kick in and we indeed experience love, even to those who are cruel to us or don’t love us at all.

You see, it doesn’t really matter what others think of us, what does matter is what we think of our self.

Being able to truly forgive completely is a courageous act in itself. Forgiving enables us to see that we do have the strength with God’s help to deal with our emotions and feelings on our own. When we decide to forgive from the goodness of our heart, we will learn to be who it is God intended us to be, and to love who we are. We won’t need to carry the burden of another’s failings in our heart.

We can choose to love. Don’t be afraid to forgive your spouse. Forgive and love your spouse and all others whom you are associated with. Real love comes through acceptance and forgiveness.

And when you have forgiven completely all of the people you need to forgive, you can finally be free to love the person you are, and hate the person you aren’t.

Angie Lewis, author of new release, Journey on the Roads Less Traveled
http://www.spiritual.journeybooks.4t.com/
ISBN 1413788904
Available Amazon and any online bookstore.

Peter Ulrich Remembers Dead Can Dance’s Early Days